I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
