Quick, to the slutcave!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
