i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
