My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
