Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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