I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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