a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
