I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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