answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
