he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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