there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
