im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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