I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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