Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
