just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
