Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
