I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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