I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
