so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
