wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
