Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
