Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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