is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
