He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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