thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
