i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize