Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
