her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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