remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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