First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
