Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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