Ambien. No doubt about it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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