I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
