I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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