Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
