yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
