why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
