note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
