So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
