I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I cut my penus on the lid.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
