i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
