he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Be still, my beating vagina.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
