GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
