Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
