um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
