Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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