And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
