I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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