i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
