So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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