I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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