Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
