You're a womanizer and a bitch.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
