Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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