I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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