I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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