I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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