In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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