Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
