I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
