You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
