no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
