I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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