He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
