Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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