John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
