There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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