i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize