It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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