he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
