I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
