I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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