I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
