big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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