Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize