May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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