Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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